[Buddha-l] Re: [Buddha-l ribbing ( Gender on Buddha-l)

[curt]

What passes for "humor" is very often not only a "form of violence" but 
is actually part of much larger pattern that includes "actual" violence. 
My favorite example of this kind of "humor" is Aristophanes' play "The 
Clouds". This is one of most side-splittingly hilarious pieces of 
literature even written. But Aristophanes wrote it as part of a campaign 
to whip up public sentiment against Socrates (who is the "butt" of the 
play). This campaign, as everyone knows, eventually "succeeded" in 
Socrates' trial and execution. Anyone with even a little bit of a sense 
of humor can't help but laugh out loud at the way in which Aristophanes 
ridicules Socrates (http://classics.mit.edu/Aristophanes/clouds.html). 
Which is exactly what Aristophanes and his co-conspirators wanted. More 
immediate examples of this "dark side" of humor are racist and sexist 
jokes - which obviously perpetuate an environment in which "actual" 
violence is not only made more acceptable, but is even encouraged or 
glorified in these "jokes".

The reason why this works so well, in my opinion, is that "ribbing" is a 
natural form of socialization that not only comes easily to human beings 
- but that we naturally and spontaneously gravitate toward. I think its 
necessary to distinguish between "ribbing" and "ribbing" (see the 
difference?). "Ribbing" can be not only harmless, but an expression of 
great intimacy and affection. And it can also be a way for friends, 
lovers, and family members to "vent" or express things they don't want 
to (or aren't able to) come right and say. And it is also a way for 
people to learn how to establish boundaries and rules in a playful and 
less confrontational way.

Having said all that - unless someone is a good friend or a lover or a 
family member, then if they don't want to be "kidded", leave 'em alone - 
anything else goes beyond mere ribbing and slips in to ridicule. But if 
they are your little brother never ever relent.

- Curt

StormyTet at aol.com wrote:

> ST: Most of the men in my life have been raised in homes where 
> 'ribbing' was the norm. I was raised in a home where I was basically 
> told that all people are equal. At five years old, I did not question 
> this in the least. All of my adult life,. however, I have been 
> hyper-aware of 'ribbing'.  I appreciated Mike and Richards accounts of 
> the normalcy of this way of relating because I have had men in my life 
> who viewed this as "normal.' They have had quite a problem with my 
> view that such 'humor' is not 'funny.'  Respect to me means building 
> an entirely different kind of humor. I have developed this type of 
> humor with key men in my life. I would be glad to outline this if any 
> men desire guidance.
>  
> My point is that I KNOW BETTER than to accept ribbing as the only way 
> men can relate. It is harmful to women who are not into 'ribbing.' The 
> very idea of ribbing presupposes a form of violence  that  is cultural 
> and can be changed.
>  
> The import of this issue to Buddhism is  our mental frames.
>