[Buddha-l] non-entanglement, motherhood and right livelihood

[d f tweney]

Stormy, this is not a woman's topic of necessity -- but of course it is 
an agonizing choice that women have to make far more than men. If more 
fathers had equal responsibility for raising their children then they, 
too, would face such choices.

Thich Nhat Hanh tells a story, in one of his books, of talking to a 
friend with a young daughter who is consuming much of the new father's 
time. The man is wistful, wondering when he will ever find time to do 
things for himself (such as, I assume, meditate -- but maybe also write 
poetry, read books, or watch football). Hanh's answer is that the 
father has to start thinking about the time he spends with his daughter 
as *his* time too -- in short, to be fully present in the moment and to 
do active meditation by being fully engaged in the time he spends with 
his daughter. That way, Hanh says, this time will no longer be 
something "taken away" from the man's "own" time.

It's a beautiful answer -- but as the father of a 4 1/2 year old 
daughter, I find it unsatisfying. Perhaps I'm just too entangled in my 
own projects and my desires to complete them, while still wanting to be 
a good father and spend time with my daughter. But still. If she takes 
an hour and a half to get settled into sleep in the evening instead of 
thirty minutes, I have that much less time to read about Buddhism, for 
instance, or to catch up on email messages with my friends.

Perhaps this is why people become monks.

--dylan.

--
dylan tweney    dylan at tweney.com

blog:  http://dylan.tweney.com
haiku:      http://tinywords.com

On Oct 8, 2005, at 10:19 PM, StormyTet at aol.com wrote:
>>
> In light of my recent stress, I would love to listen to people wax 
> eloquent on "non-entanglement." The subject of attachment vs. 
> non-attachment has probably been the most salient buddhist dichotomy 
> that I have worked with in my life. My conception of what detachment 
> means has changed dramatically since I began my practice (about 7 
> years ago). Being a mother has made this issue central to finding 
> balance in my life and academic career.
>  
> I just recently watched "Searching for Debra Winger." The movie is 
> about aging female actresses and one of the topics they discuss is the 
> terrible tension between following their passion for acting (right 
> livelihood?) vs. fulfilling their role of mother. The struggle that is 
> depicted in the movie is very real, I think, for any woman who 
> recognizes a life passion/work and the impact that fulfilling her path 
> will have on her children.
>  
> There is a woman's topic. :)
>  
> Stormy_______________________________________________
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> buddha-l at mailman.swcp.com
> http://mailman.swcp.com/mailman/listinfo/buddha-l
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