[Buddha-l] non-entanglement, motherhood and right livelihood

[jkirk]

  In light of my recent stress, I would love to listen to people wax eloquent on "non-entanglement." The subject of attachment vs. non-attachment has probably been the most salient buddhist dichotomy that I have worked with in my life. My conception of what detachment means has changed dramatically since I began my practice (about 7 years ago). Being a mother has made this issue central to finding balance in my life and academic career. 

  I just recently watched "Searching for Debra Winger." The movie is about aging female actresses and one of the topics they discuss is the terrible tension between following their passion for acting (right livelihood?) vs. fulfilling their role of mother. The struggle that is depicted in the movie is very real, I think, for any woman who recognizes a life passion/work and the impact that fulfilling her path will have on her children. 

  There is a woman's topic. :)

  Stormy
  -----------------------------
  Hi Stormy,

  I too was rearing a child while working and the stress almost did me in. I attribute the fact that I came down with RA to years of that stress and the incredibly difficult working environment at my college, which seemed most of the time to reflect the war of each against all and the gender wars as well (not only in my view but in the view of most of my colleagues.)   This must be why, although I had been a Buddhist for years,  I had never gone on a retreat nor practiced any of the meditative disciplines. It was as though I hadn't the energy to stray from watching my back at work and trying to do both jobs well. In fact, I did not know how to meditate until finally, after heading for a shrink to ward off a complete nervous breakdown, I ended up with one who was also a Buddhist! It was from him that I got Joseph Goldstein's first book on meditation and how to do it. What a revelation when I tried it and went through the steps in this book. 
  I was still very entangled in the job world though. I really don't see how it's possible to be otherwise if one is doing single mothering and also holding down a job. The need to earn in order to support oneself and one's offspring is paramount. It's not that I was maintaining any material "lifestyle" either! We were poor because this academic job paid us faculty poorly. However, I realized later on that if I had learned to meditate years before I finally got the "word," the situation would have been less stressful. I would perhaps have been able to better enjoy the entanglement with my child, who was a joy in any case, and distance myself better from the job entanglements of competition for scarce resources, the frogs in small pond syndrome.  
  Joanna 

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