[Buddha-l] Gandharan Buddhist Art at NY Asia Society

[Richard Hayes]

On Aug 15, 2011, at 21:10 , Kdorje at aol.com wrote:

> American males may think they are showing affection for each  other by 
> carping, but hostility, denigrating and belittling humor are cruel

An action can be considered cruel only if the intention is to denigrate or belittle. Unless you have cultivated the ability to know the minds of others, you are not in a position to assess the intentions of other agents. Dan Lusthaus and I are good friends who have a consistently cordial relationship with each other. We like to tease each other. As I said, I realize that it is possible for this behavior to be misinterpreted by people who do not know us, and I agree that it is inappropriate to show affection for another person, especially for a male to express any sort of affection for another male. What could be worse that that? I have apologized already for my public display of affection, and I do so again.

> It is one of the reasons I live in countries outside the US,  where 
> kindness is more often the norm.

Each to his own tastes. I also like living outside the US, although for different reasons. My overall impression is somewhat different from yours. I am often struck by how much kindness and genuine friendliness Americans have for one another on a personal level. What astonishes me about Americans is not any lack of kindness, but rather an appalling ignorance of other cultures, and even an appalling ignorance of their own collective history. Having lived more than half my life outside the country of my birth, I probably have a somewhat different view of my native land than some of my neighbors, but that difference of view has never impeded the love my neighbors and I have for each other.

> It is also one of the reasons I  sometimes 
> delete unread entire strings of messages on this mailing list when  
> oneupmanship becomes rampant, and why I am often tempted to leave it.

That shows very good viveka (discernment). Only a fool, or a person with too much time on her hands, would take the effort to read everything published on buddha-l. One reads the authors one enjoys and learns from and leaves the others for other readers to enjoy.

> I have 
> learned many things from reading posts on this list, and for that I am  grateful, 
> but probably the most valuable life lesson it has taught me is to  avoid 
> academics in real life, when possible.

That, my friend, shows very poor viveka. In fact, it reveals a sort of prejudice that is disappointing in someone who is no doubt aspiring to show friendship, sympathetic joy, compassion and impartiality toward all sentient beings in the universe without exception. Academics, like people who have been called to monastic life or to international corporate enterprises or to military service, come in all shapes and sizes and display a very wide range of mentalities. My experience has been that, with very few exceptions, most academics are quite refined in their thinking and have good character. I feel very fortunate indeed to be in the company of such excellent people. And every single academic on buddha-l whom I have met—I have met almost all of them—is a fine human being. Your unfortunate prejudice may be depriving you of an opportunity for personal enrichment. Consider reconsidering your position, venerable sir.

Richard