[Buddha-l] Being in Love

[Wong Weng Fai]

On Mon, 18 Feb 2008, Bob Zeuschner wrote:
> I've been reading this topic with interest. I've thought about it myself 
> often, and I've tried to interpret Buddhism as affirming non-possessive love, 
> non-attached, non-egocentric love.
> However, I'm not sure there are any canonical sources which truly assert 
> this.

This cannot be right? There is so much emphasis on metta and karuna in 
the Buddha-Dharma of whatever yana.

> My wife and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary this year, and if Buddhism 
> did not affirm those 40 years (which have been wonderful and 
> not-to-be-missed), then so much the worse for Buddhism.

Good for you. To me, Buddhism don't have a problem with happiness... it is 
suffering that it is trying to deal with. Reading the scriptures, I find 
that while the Buddha showed concerns about negative tendencies in lay 
life, he has never negated it. In the Sigalovada Sutta, the Buddha said:

"In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered 
to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.
"The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her 
compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.
"In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband who 
ministers to her as the West. Thus is the West covered by him and made 
safe and secure."

Like I said before, these however should be read in the context of 
marriage at that time. And it is up to us - the laity now - to reinterpret 
it in a modern setting.

Weng-Fai