[Buddha-l] Is polyamory kilesa?

[Tony Trigilio]

Stefan--

 

Thanks for bringing this up, and I agree with you. 

 

"Misconduct" is the translation I see most often.  Thinking of the ethics of
monogamy vs. polyamory, I have to ask the simple question, based on this
translation:  how could love and intimacy be considered acts of
"misconduct"?  They lead easily to misconduct when they're bound up in
intractable cravings and attachments, of course.  Monogamous relationships
are difficult in themselves, but they don't trigger craving & attachment to
the same degree as polyamorous ones do.  In many cases, despite the best
intentions, polyamorous relationships exponentially increase the cravings
and attachments that we're working so hard to observe and let pass.  So I
can see why in so-called "conservative" and so-called "liberal" Buddhist
communities, it would be tempting to consider polyamory "sexual misconduct."

 

The trouble, of course, is that many of us, in our monogamous relationships,
also can't negotiate the boundary between "love" and "misconduct."  For
folks in polyamorous relationships who do not communicate well (dooming such
relationships eventually), then I think love and intimacy will lead to
unshakable attachment and then misconduct.  But for those in polyamorous
relationships who work hard to communicate among all parties, then I can't
see any reason why love and intimacy would be misconduct.  

 

Best,

Tony

 

 

  _____  

From: buddha-l-bounces at mailman.swcp.com
[mailto:buddha-l-bounces at mailman.swcp.com] On Behalf Of Stefan Detrez
Sent: Monday, May 14, 2007 2:43 AM
To: Buddhist discussion forum
Subject: [Buddha-l] Is polyamory kilesa?

 

Dear folks,

 

One of the precepts states you shouldn't do sexual misconduct. Would this be
from a monogamous point of view? Suppose you love several partners at the
same time, let's say, like in a polyamorous situation, where all involved
are aware of the who's-in. Would this be 'kilesa'? If so, why? As far as I
understood Buddhism (with exception of Tantra), sexuality is approached
pretty negatively, as if it were all lust only. But I'm convinced you can
have sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy 'out of wedlock', without that
threatening the love you feel for your primary partner and vice versa. 

 

Why would polyamory be 'poisonous' from a Buddhist point of view or any
point of view?

 

Stefan

 

 

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