[Buddha-l] An experiment (Gender on Buddha-l)

[Franz Metcalf]

Gang,

Let me come out of the closet and confess I am one of those who wrote 
Joanna privately with my meager insight and support. She urged me to 
shared a couple things publicly, and so I shall. I want to state right 
up front that I do this with trepidation, unsure of whether this is 
right speech--not least because this post is so damn long: please skip 
to the last paragraph if you're in a hurry but don't wish to simply 
delete.

At first, Joanna's broad brush in her accusations angered me, as I felt 
that tar properly destined for others was blackening me as well. But my 
anger passed as I came to realize no one but me gave a damn, and if I 
knew I was innocent I didn't have to feel angry. I submit this is a 
pretty good test: those who can get past their anger at feeling 
unjustly accused are more likely innocent. Those who cannot are more 
likely guilty.

Ideally, at least according to my brand of Buddhism, we feel our 
feelings and then we let them rest. We move on. It's a bit like 
discussing war, or anything else. Speak your piece and move on. If we 
cannot let go of anger, we trap ourselves in an unhealthy mind state. 
If we cannot let go of a debate, we trap ourselves in an unhealthy 
relationship (the debate itself). This happens all the time, of course, 
but it's something we ought to be particularly aware of on buddha-l. We 
should not have to be reminded.

(Note that I speak collectively, as Joanna did. Not everyone here is 
guilty of these hideous crimes against humanity. Do please let yourself 
off the hook if and when your anger subsides.)

(Note also that we are *all* guilty to some extent. But to throw up our 
hands and call it a wash is lazy, dishonest, and self-serving. It's the 
failing Brian Victoria and others lament in contemporary Buddhism, 
especially Zen.)

There is a tendency for linear, narrow, touchy, and competitive 
thinking to dominate buddha-l. This kind of thinking is, in our culture 
(all cultures?) predominantly done by males. So I'm not surprised that 
Joanna's posts are sometimes ignored. But I don't think this is because 
she is female; I think it is because she's not playing the buddha-l 
game. I sympathize because I often tire of the game, myself. It's like 
the old line, "Sure it's funny--until someone gets hurt." You will no 
doubt not have noticed--just as I had not noticed in Joanna's case; 
it's not our job, after all--, but my posts often end up being dead 
ends as well. I add my posts to ongoing threads and I seem to kill 
them. But this certainly isn't because I am a man; rather it is a 
perhaps "feminine" quality to my posts. If they don't piss people off 
enough, they don't engender (so to speak) responses. Perhaps that's 
good: they provoke noble silence. That's the best outcome for our games 
here (the others seem to be silent anger and sulking, boredom, and 
termination by the moderator).

I believe this is due to inherent qualities of internet communication. 
This medium is just so well suited for feisty and intellectual and even 
combative discourse we continually fail to foster other kinds. In this 
regard, Buddha-l is a failure, not simply for the quality of the 
discourse, but because that discourse flouts right speech. One 
difference I have, though, with The Old Guy (not Richard, the Buddha): 
I like humor. Humor does not violate my definition of right speech at 
all. I'm happy Richard is on my side on this one.

What to do about all this? I don't know for sure. I would not have 
singled out this issue of women being silenced, but then I am not a 
woman and so don't feel the sting of this issue except indirectly. We 
*should* do better in promoting the voices of women on this Buddhist 
list, and for Buddhist reasons, but we should do better in a *lot* of 
areas, not just this one. Sure, buddha-l needs more active female 
members, but, just as importantly, those members need to fight the 
uphill battle (along with empathetic and sympathetic male members) of 
promoting balanced, wise, and compassionate communication here. Hey, 
imagine that: promoting the dharma at home with a keyboard--can't beat 
that for lazy bodhisattva practice.

Bowing,

Franz