[Buddha-l] Emptiness and not being able to imagine dying[confused]

[lemmett at talk21.com]

>So.You are apparently interested in Mediaeval Chinese buddhism and its >aftermath -- commonly known as Zen. Reading that stuff is good, and it is very >heady broth indeed. Then, just as you finish your twentieth sutra and 500 pages >of koans, some wise ass walks into the monastery and declares reading is >unnecessary or even harmful to real enlightenment (the Platform Sutra)! Or a >beggar with no formal education or buddhist training shows up all the monks who >question with his intuitive understanding of buddhist that shames them all ?>(Vimilakrti Sutra).

Would it be embarrassingly un-zen to say that I don't really care about losing out like that, as long as I get to keep the 200 sutras?
>What's a fella or fellina to do? My answer was to sit very very quietly for long >periods of time and study the pain in my knee joints very intensely, forgetting >everything else.

I think I like meditation like I do listening to music: doing so constantly seem inefficient and counterproductive unless you can make a career out of it or amuse others in some way. It's not even communal. And I'd probably prefer to go beyond thought confronted by something other than a wall.
Not that there's nothing to be said for taking meditation seriously but I'm not sure I know how, how to prioritize it before all those other things that fill up the day and are either addictive or that bit more structured. Is that weak or heretical?