[Buddha-l] Is polyamory kilesa?

[jkirk]

jkirk wrote:

>>  Since the Buddha himself is not represented as having any such
experience,

> how can what he said about fornication, or whatever word is used to

> translate that precept, be taken literally? 

 

Chris asked:

>Didn't the bodhisattva have a wife and child - and a palace full of dancing
girls?

 

 

My reply:  Gotama before he became the Buddha was a married man. Thus having
sex with his wife obviously wasn’t ‘fornication’. As a prince, in those days
it was acceptable and not considered adultery for him to have a palace full
of dancing girls, courtesans, or whatever. I guess it could be called legal
polyamory. But that was before he left home and trod the path.  Presumably,
he did not have sex after he left being a householder and began his search
for freedom from dukkha. The latter stage in his life is what I was
referring to, in response to somebody’s objection, similar to the one Chris
brought (above). 

 

>> Seems to me people have to find their own way on this deal. However,
polyamory was big in the 60s and 70s (they called it "open marriage") and it
led to lots of broken households and rigorous emotional distress of both
adults and children.  

 

Chris:

>Polyandry was fairly common in parts of Tibet and polygamy in parts

of Bhutan. In both cases one of the main reasons seems to have been to
prevent the breakup of ancestral land. 

 

JK:

Yes, but these were approved marriage partnerships according to the cultures
in question, and not considered issues of ‘fornication.’ Stefan was asking
if polyamory was OK according to Buddhism, now, today. I guess I’d say it
depends on the culture. 

 

In the culture he belongs to, it is not OK, AFAIK. Western cultures do not
approve or legally sanction polygyny, polyandry, bigamy, etc., nor do they
approve of adultery or fornication, although some of them (France?)
supposedly don’t make a fuss over a married man having a mistress or two. 

However, the latter issue is these days open to discussion, especially since
the 60’s. Since the original question was, would Buddhism disapprove of
polyamory (multiple sex partners) today (I assume he was referring to the
here and now), my guess would be no. 

 

But the leader of a retreat I went on once, in response to a question about
sexual misconduct, was heard to say that multiple partners was OK if nobody
got hurt. I never found out what he meant by that and frankly, wasn’t
interested in what he meant, either. 

So my bias is clearer than his was.

This thread however is so old already that I can’t recall much of the
discussion about it.  

Joanna

 

- Chris

 


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