[Buddha-l] For pun dits only

[Erik Hoogcarspel]

A virtual top ten list of puns:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

3.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says
"I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Bu
 ddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored hi m. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

9.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

1) carry-on; 2) damn; 3) you can't
have your cake and eat it to; 4) positive, as in electrical charge; 5)
transcendental meditation; 6) chestnuts roasting over an open fire
(from a Christmas carol); 7) if you've seen one, you've seen them all;
8) only you can prevent forest fires (slogan of Smokey the Bear, US
Department of Forestry mascot); 9) supercalifragilist icexpialidocious,
from Mary Poppins musical and movie -- see Wikipedia, here <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious>; 10) no pun intended. 


Erik


www.xs4all.nl/~jehms
weblog http://www.volkskrantblog.nl/pub/blogs/blog.php?uid=2950