[Buddha-l] Re: [Buddha-l ribbing ( Gender on Buddha-l)

[StormyTet at aol.com]

In a message dated 10/11/2005 10:27:44 A.M. Central Daylight Time,  
jkirk at spro.net writes:

my  critique of behavior on this list as CULTURAL gender behavior, not just  
gender behavior, because that gets back to genetic  determinism.
Whatever behavior is genetically determined is still, IMO,  controversial, 
although some aspects are getting to be more persuasive,  e.g., along the 
lines of how children of each gender tend to communicate  differently. Such 
differences tend to persist into adulthood,  like  the way some men (several 
on this list for example) love to yuck it up  horsing around, pretending that 
teasing and hazing are great ways to  "develop trustworthy character."  LOL 
The style of this list is  indeed a US male gendered cultural style, as you 
and Franz have also  pointed out.
What I am calling for in general is not stilted behavior but  civility, 
that's all, just good old civility. Believe it or not, men are  perfectly 
capable of being civil too. Civility is one way to begin being  compassionate 
because it allows everyone into the charmed circle instead  of the usual 
route here of incivility, which creates nastiness and dukkha.  All action has 
consequences, as we Buddhists are accustomed to pointing  out....the 
consequences of civility are far more beneficial to all and,  IMO, to the 
general purpose of the list than those of incivility. Q.E.D.  folks.
Joanna 



ST: Most of the men in my life have been raised in homes where 'ribbing'  was 
the norm. I was raised in a home where I was basically told that all people  
are equal. At five years old, I did not question this in the least. All of my  
adult life,. however, I have been hyper-aware of 'ribbing'.  I appreciated  
Mike and Richards accounts of the normalcy of this way of relating because I  
have had men in my life who viewed this as "normal.' They have had quite a  
problem with my view that such 'humor' is not 'funny.'  Respect to me  means 
building an entirely different kind of humor. I have developed this  type of humor 
with key men in my life. I would be glad to outline this if any  men desire 
guidance. 
 
My point is that I KNOW BETTER than to accept ribbing as the only way men  
can relate. It is harmful to women who are not into 'ribbing.' The very idea of  
ribbing presupposes a form of violence  that  is cultural and can  be 
changed. 
 
The import of this issue to Buddhism is  our mental frames.
 
Stormy
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://mailman.swcp.com/mailman/private/buddha-l/attachments/20051012/7e7382a3/attachment.htm